The times they are a changin'

There is something odd going on in my life.
Now that the days are numbered and the count down begins it's almost as if I am dying.
To be more specific and less dramatic, it would be that life as I know it, and my existence in this time and place is coming to an end.
I feel it most keenly with my close friends, the ones that keep me whole and help shoulder all my merriment and strife.
There are these moments I find myself on fire with the love of my companions, the love I feel for them as well as from them, and then the knife. That cold twisting sensation when you feel as if your organs are being slit ever so abruptly from your body, but on further investigation you find your belly to be intact and rather it is your emotions being wrenched not your physical body. But somehow the word wrenched does not suffice, it is to simple, to quick to express the agonizing physical sensation taking place. The actual need to steady oneself in the face of this pain, this joy turned to ecstasy turned to...what.
What do you call it when your days are numbered?
What is that feeling.

Whatever this elusive catalyst can be called it has thrown me almost fully into the present.
It has become such an exciting time for me. The creating of memories, the making sure to do, almost  like making sure to tick everything off of my San Francisco bucket list.
Not to let anything be wasted, or taken for granted, or let opportunity to spend time with my friends be lost.

It is truly a brilliant time to be alive.