7 months give or take

time is a strange thing.

I feel myself racing forward and then suddenly stopping, then again, run run forward and stopping on a dime standing still.
What controls this? Is it tourette's of the body? An exercise in modern dance? Two emotions encapsulate  each action, excitement and its lover fear, they become intimate and intertwined, slippery with the sweat of exertion, they both rage at me so I can seem to tell who is shouting anymore.
Regardless of my inner workings the plodding of time is not phased, it is not fickle unlike myself and the time grows closer when this litte Dieter needs to fly.

7 months to go and oh so much more to do!


Theroux to Thoreau

There are many layers in preparation for change.

I was engaged in a death match with my "to do" list, but true to its hydra like nature for every one item removed two more appeared seemingly more vicious than the first, and despite my Herculean efforts the battle raged on.

So I have abandoned this labor for the moment and hunt for inspiration where I know it always dwells.

I find enlightenment in the concise smudging and squiggling found on a page, markings that brought me comfort previous to learning to decipher what the alien forms were. I am the possessor of one of the worst memories in the world, it's true, there is an art form to retaining information that I have yet to grasp, however one of my earliest memories is of words. Tales told to me by my mother, stories out of books and books and stacks of books. I loved them, loved them even before I had my own words. These stories from my mothers lips spurred me to read on my own at an early age and being the youngest of four children hand me down books had me reading at a level far beyond my years.
I will always love my parents for handing down this love of literature and imagination.

So in my time of need I reach out in darkness for inspiration and am engulfed.

I had these two men fall in my lap, Henry David Thoreau a longtime friend and fellow dreamer, and a new lover Paul Theroux passed serendipitously to me by my BFF Soy Pak.
There are times in ones life where all one needs to know is that they aren't alone. The wheel doesn't need to be re invented by my hands and I am not the only one with a dream.

I had finished The Elephante Suite by Paul Theroux via books on CD and was sliding in Thoreau's Walden with the opening chapter Economy I found myself hooting and holloring, banging on the steering wheel yelling out "YES! YES! YES" the words of Thoreau so thoroughly resounding with my spirit. The wisdom of the past so clear to my present day predicament.
I know you Thoreau naysayers exist out there, you may even be reading my blog waiting to commit on his vices but I am well aware of some of his unsavory actions and am not moving to canonize him just simply to meditate on the beauty of his greatness. Such as:

"But men labor under a mistake. The better part of the man is soon plowed into the soil for compost. By a seeming fate, commonly called necessity, they are employed, as it says in an old book, laying up treasures which moth and rust will corrupt and thieves break through and steal. It is a fool's life, as they will find when they get to the end of it, if not before."

A crack and a slap across my face, of knowledge tucked away and buried with the dirt of my enervated labors. A buried treasure if you will of my mind.

"Most men, even in this comparatively free country, through mere ignorance and mistake, are so occupied with the factitious cares and superfluously coarse labors of life that its finer fruits cannot be plucked by them. Their fingers, from excessive toil, are too clumsy and tremble too much for that. Actually, the laboring man has not leisure for a true integrity day by day; he cannot afford to sustain the manliest relations to men; his labor would be depreciated in the market. He has no time to be anything but a machine. How can he remember well his ignorance- which his growth requires- who has so often to use his knowledge? We should feed and clothe him gratuitously sometimes, and recruit him with our cordials, before we judge of him. The finest qualities of our nature, like the bloom on fruits, can be preserved only by the most delicate handling. Yet we do not treat ourselves nor one another thus tenderly."

Thoreau, a reminder that there is a me in here buried under what I construe to be my duty.
I could go on quoting Thoreau all day, Walden is a book I've picked up hundreds of times and always have this reaction. So I will spare you and let you take the journey alone. You can read Walden in its entirety here

With my new lover I am amazed that I hadn't meet him sooner. Paul Theroux, a well penned travel writer with both fiction and non fiction exploits. I fell so hard for him I started reading 2 of his book simultaneously The Elephante Suite and Dark Star Safari. I was his for life cracking into the first chapter of Dark Star Safari his nonfiction piece traveling by land from Cairo to Cape Town. I found myself in his words, pieces of me that have always existed but longed for a name and for a kindred spirit. 
So dear readers I leave you now with a few of my favorite Paul Theroux quotes, please to enjoy:

  “The wish to disappear sends many travelers away. If you are thoroughly sick of being kept waiting at home or at work, travel is perfect: let other people wait for a change. Travel is a sort of revenge for having been put on hold, or having to leave messages on answering machines, not knowing your party's extension, being kept waiting all your working life - the homebound writer's irritants. But also being kept waiting is the human conditon.”
Paul Theroux, Dark Star Safari: Overland from Cairo to Capetown 

“Going slowly [...] was the best way of being reminded that there is a relationship between Here and There, and that travel narrative was the story of There and Back.”
Paul Theroux 

 “All travel is circular. I had been jerked through Asia, making a parabola on one of the planet's hemispheres. After all, the grand tour is just the inspired man's way of heading home. ”
Paul Theroux, The Great Railway Bazaar 

The wish to travel seems to me characteristically human: the desire to move, to satisfy your curiosity or ease your fears, to change the circumstances of your life, to be a stranger, to make a friend, to experience an exotic landscape, to risk the unknown..”
Paul Theroux, The Tao of Travel: Enlightenments from Lives on the Road  



I am house sitting.
aka hiding out on a Saturday night researching proconsumer digital cameras that also shoot HD video, hand held field microphones, and travel insurance among other things.

I have to admit the Nikon site aside this is all very boring. Boring, boring, boring (said in my best Gary Oldman impersonation of him playing Sid Vicious in the movie Sid&Nancy)

I need to figure out the gadgets I need to bring with me to get the job done.
I like gadgets but am definitely not a gadgety gigity girl, and frankyl I am so stir crazy I'm making the rest of you, if you so choose to read on, suffer with me.
This blog is the good, the bad, the boring, but it's the truth.

Thankfully I know some pretty fucking awesome and talented people, and so I've roped in the help of my super talented gadget minded wonder-friends the amazing cinematographer Michele Sieglitz of lilblackcat productions, and the ever patient, always pulls me out of a pinch photo extraordinary Dyami Serna of Dyami Serna Photography.

These two cat's could teach a compass how to find North they are so savvy!

So here are my thoughts, and just an fyi I feel a kickstarter coming on!

What does one need on the road?

To make a documentary:
1. A camera that shoots movies, my editor has told me HD.
2. A field audio recorder to get some decent sound!
3. Laptop

To do a professional still photo shoot, yes dancers I am offering my services to you!
1. A great pro-consumer camera.
      ~I already own a great camera, Nikon d-200, but in the interest of fewer things to carry and upgrading equipment I can get a new Nikon body that will work for stills as well as movies!

2. A flash for fill...Dyami do you hear me calling your name? I love working in my studio with my strobes but it is time for me to grow!

To have fun and keep everyone updated:
1. It's looking like an ipod touch would be best, I can have my music to listen to while on a bumpy bus, the ability of a point and shoot camera, and a camcorder that can upload automatically to my blog or FB via wifi at cafe's etc without the monthly bill of a smart phone. I plan to ditch my phone, the only part that kills me is I've had that same phone # since the tender age of, oh I don't know, young.

2. Books! I am a voracious reader especially when on the road, and have always lamented the weight of carrying at least 5 books. Well now there's the Kindle and the Nook!
I know nothing of either so if anyone has any info I'd love to hear it!

Ah jeeze....
too much stuff!
I feel like I might be missing an item or two, feel free to pitch in ideas, you know, small tripod, external hard drive, one million cables, that kind of thing.
And just so you know I have to carry it all, and not get robbed along the way!Actually I just bought what I hope will be my dream day pack to squirrel all my gadgets into. I'm trying it out now to get it nice and dirty so it will be less conspicuous on the road. Once attached to my body come Aug 20th it won't be removed till the trip is done. My days to donating to the children's street fund are hopefully behind me!

Oh Lord but I'm putting myself to sleep and I haven't even touched on traveler's insurance!


Battling with my humanness while trying to be a demigod

It's true if not slightly narcasistic.
I mean it's not like I sprung fully formed from the head of Forrest Adams (my pops) or not as far as I know, but I'll double check with the folks.

There is something inside of me that battles to do, not the epic movements of an earthquake, the shake rattle of look look look at me and look what I can do! More as the cold battles drops of water falling from the sky to somehow pull it into the perfect icicle, the intricate non replicated snow flake; long beautiful, fleeting, the silent battle of beauty and subtly in every day life.

How to be a demigod with every breath. How is it possible, is it possible?
To try and infuse each moment with creation, fill it with passion, beauty and love.
I feel in this imperfect body it is a crap shoot, nothing reaches the heavens, nothing is eternal, nothing is ever yours to keep. Yet still we do, we create.

The drive for this is so insistent that I spend hours alone, holed up in my house and in my mind. Fighting my duel nature of social butter fly and hermit crab. I am a wool sweater that after too many social hours I need to be washed on hot and then thrown into the dryer so I can be a concentrated version of myself, so I can concentrate.

How do you balance? Where is the balance?
I want to run and play and live my days full full full, and then dream and work and build the foundations to my castle in the sky. This is the God in me, but it exists with the humanness, the tired, cranky, moody me that thinks I can do it all, that I should be able to do it all, and boy when I don't do it all I better watch out!

At this point I feel as if I am all ramble and I have no solutions just observations and those will have to do for now.

About Me

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I study and teach ATS style belly dance with FatChanceBellyDance.

I am about to embark on a world tour: