Adventure or exile

The question I get the most is about loneliness.

Why am I alone?
How am I able to stay away so long?
Do I get lonely?

The answer is that there are days I feel like an adventurer, and days I feel like an exile.

There are days I look at myself in the mirror and ask, do you really know what the fuck you are doing?
And I don't, but that's never stopped me before.

I think about what I'm sacrificing;  moments with my best fiends, gaps that are widening, bonds breaking, I'm not there to hug them through their heartbreaks or cry them through their victories.

Is this worth it?
This half cocked idea of world ATS® that will keep me roaming for several years?

I don't have that answer, and I don't need to have it.

Because I see things like this:

and work with amazing ATS® dancers like this:

The trip is going really well, I'm not planning on stopping, I'm determined to finish, but it's human to question what is the cost, of course the flip side is to ask what is my gain.
When I ask myself that question the only answer I get is the warming of my heart as the beat quickens and usually that's answer enough.

But when I am lonely and lost and my heart isn't sure of its way I play the time machine game. I sit on my death bed and look back for the "fuck yeahs" and I know my path is clear.

Or I just look at these and it makes it all alright again.

Thank you to my friends, even though a world away I can still feel you squeezing me, I love you more than any words could possible describe.


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About Me

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I study and teach ATS style belly dance with FatChanceBellyDance.

I am about to embark on a world tour: